Jesus wants me to see strippers!!!!!!!!

Omg I totally forgot I had a blog my bad!!!!!!!! So I am involved in a church group called MOPs where every other Thursday you go with all these moms and drop off your kids at the church's childcare and have breakfast and mom time for 2 hours! When I first joined Mops was the only option I had for childcare and they had me at free breakfast and coffee. I kept to myself as to not scare other moms off and some how was asked to be a table leader. The next year as table leader I was more myself and my table mates were pretty cool. I remember all the ladies talking about their evening plans and then me having to share mine which consisted of me and my friends dressing up like the Golden Girls and scarring younger men off buy trying to get free drinks in obnoxious ways. My girlfriends and I dress up outlandishly go to the casino and try to get guys to eat Ferrero Rochers out of our hands like at the zoo. Most of the ladies laughed and some looked horrified but wanted more details. This year I am yet again by the grace of God and lack of other options been asked to be a table leader. This year has been all about me and my lack of mouth filter. This year started off with a lady from my table last year asking more details about the shinanigans of my Cougar night out last year!!! My table this year is pretty tame with my mentor mom ( older mom with older kids) being the only cool mom. So my table is pretty much summed up by mousey moms who super love Jesus and are scared of me!!!!!!!!! So last Thursday I decided to have totaly diarrhea of the mouth due to complete boredom. The ladies were all talking about plans for the week, one girl was talking about how she makes her own espresso, buys the cups, syrup and everything and Cash and Carry. I am thinking to myself as my eyes roll back into my head duh the coffee is free here coupon queen!!! In the midst of going into a boredom coma I blurt out how I wish this place had an open bar to spice up my coffee o'awesomeness!!! Whoops I remember where I'm at and try to keep my alter FANCY from popping up at the wrong time!! The ladies giggle and I proceed to redirect the discussing to how the grocery store should have a bar so you can take shots while shopping down the isle and that they bag boys could be the designated shopping cart drivers. I told the ladies I was in the works of making this a reality and that I would let them know more as things progressed. Then I get up for more coffee and decide yes Fancy should be the table leader this year as its my last year at Mops why not go out with a mortifying bang!!!!!!! We have a new lady at the table inwhich my mentor mom has to introduce to the table because me being horrible at names can't even remember what day it is let alone a newcomers name. She had been sitting at the table all morning I just thought she knew one of the moms at the table and was being chatty... my bad. New girl yes I still don't remember her name except I'd like to call her amazon woman because she was huge, not fat but just tall and big boned but not chubby or anything. Her baby son was the same way he looked like he was 2 but only 4 months!!! So she mentions she went to a christian college and majored in God and minored in Jesus or something blah blah blah. My pregnant Russian mom is not at the table today to wisk me away with stories of her Russian clepto mom on a shoplifting binge at Ross. She thinks the reason Ross now has security officers at the door is because of her mom. But alas the table has limited entertainment and goody goody Amazon mom is boring me into praying a bottle of Baileys will show up under the table. I keep looking under the table but alas Jesus is busy. Then it happens every one is chatting up thier upcoming Easter weekend plans!!! I get a grin on my face that rivals the Joker!!! Yay I'll be having the best Easter weekend ever!!! Mentor mom looks excited as she knows most of the things that come out of my mouth are reality show quality stories of craziness and I'm not about to disappoint. I really do have a stellar Easter weekend planned I say. My Easter Vigil will include my gay bestie Ryan and I (who I met at a Huey Lewis concert) prefunking at the casino then watching the Thunder From Down Under strippers work their Easter magic!!! I then ask goodie goodie Amazon where might I find a sequin pair of bunny ears to seal the deal!!!!!!!!! The table gets the super giggles and Amazon mom just looks at me like I'm joking. Little does she know that Jesus wants me to see strippers on Saturday night so its all good sista!!!! Well I'm sure Amazon mom went home and prayed for me and Easter Weekend cannot get here fast enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!