Snowpocalypse Icetravaganza!!!!!!

I AM Alive!!!!!!!! Yukon Cornelius did not come dig me out as planned I almost had to eat my kids to stay alive well almost. Seattle had Snowpalooza then got hit with Icecapades where I was out of power for 3 count them 3 days!!! We had no power and of course Manchild is out of town roughing it at a 5 star hotel! I totally Macgrubered it and put my fridge food in bins buried in the snow. I tried to make a snowmobile out of a package of gum, a cardboard diaper box, and some tin foil but it just wasn't in the cards. I had to fight off a raccoon who nabbed my coffee creamer and some juice boxes. He was real close to having his head stuck on a pole as warning to others that my hotdogs were not to be messed with! I could have used a new pair of raccoon earmuffs though. When darkeness falls at 4:30 boy thems some long cold nights. Shadow puppet theater got old real fast!!! Sleeping with my kids is like sleeping with blind, rabbid piglets. They are squirmy, noisey, grabbing at everything, horsekicking with their jimmy legs!!!!! Then there is the always pleasant screams of terror from the bathroom as oldest's flashlight has gone out while he was taking a pee!! I am flying through the dark through wipe out style obstacles to get him some light. Note to self make sure the dresser drawers are closed before going to bed, they are unforgiving in the dark looking for shin flesh!!!! Ohhh daylight is here now its time for some fun in the snow!!! Lets find all your snow gear and spend 35 minutes suiting you up for what seems like extended deep sea diving!!! Ahhh my arch nemesis kid gloves!!!!!!!!! I shit you not kid gloves and I don't mix. Gloves or mittens it doesn't matter those bastards are out for blood. 30 minutes of the 35 minutes it takes to get the kids ready is just getting the demon hell mittens on. Serioulsy you think yeah mittens just four fingers and slip in the thumb! Oh Hells to the NO!! My kids will do absolutely every finger gesture other than the basic mitten hand. I actually threw a mitten across the room stomped on it, then curled up in the fetal position and yelled obscenities into a pillow pet! When the demon mittens are on it literally takes 5.2 seconds before the snow eats them for breakfast and the kids come in boo hooing my mittens came off!!! Again 35 minutes to get suited up and 10 mins of snow play, you do the math friends!!!! I did have sanctuary though, my shower had hot water!!! I would lock the door and take a hot shower 2 to 3 times a day to get some quiet kid free time. Well until the kids would realize I was gone and then they would lay on the ground in front of the door and kick repeatedly and yell "What are you doing?" I would scream back" go put on your mittens!" I knew that would keep them busy for a few hours. So we survived Snomaggedon and I have a whole new respect for heat and lights. Oh and Mr. Raccoon if you are reading this you owe me a Hazlenut coffee creamer you punk ass nocturnal S.O.B!!!!!!